Whether we realize it or not, most families have been touched by abortion. It is a controversial topic bringing many families to division. That is the enemies plan, to divide families physically, emotionally, psychologically and especially spiritually. It is something no one wants to talk about, I know personally.
World view says, “My body, my rules, government should not tell me what to do.” I get this concept a woman should be able to make informed decisions on anything that effects her body, be it, COVID vaccines, a life from conception, need for surgery, etc. Hear me out on the topic of unplanned pregnancy and being a servant for Jesus, please read to the end of this blog.
There is no grey zone, the truth is God created life between a man and a woman at conception. God gave women the beautiful gift of incubator; protector of an embryo to birth. It is a wonderful gift. It isn’t about convenience, time is not right, or I have different plans. The embryo is life. It doesn’t have a choice it is at the mercy of a mother’s decision.
To choose life or death, is a huge choice with many ramifications. Pro or con. A women must live with her choice the rest of her life. Many ramifications cause some women and men to go radio silent, they do not want to discuss their choice and as a result there can be isolation and despair.
I have served a community of women from preteen to middle age in unplanned pregnancy. I have witnessed the tears, the frustrations of a potential life change, shame, poverty, and the heavy burden of choice to parent, to place for adoption or to abort. It is not a decision made lightly.
The post-abortion regret can lead many women ( and yes, men too) to depression, anxiety, addictions, suicide and walking away from their faith in God. It is a dark, lonely path. How does one grieve when people may not be aware of the loss?
They are so alone, so at the mercy of isolation, grief, ( yes it is a loss, even if it was a personal decision), regret, shame and even feeling hate/death of self. This mindset leaves them vulnerable to the enemy. I have spent time listening, consoling, and praying with many women and some men. Someone on the outside of this choice, may not fully understand.
What the world sees as just a clump of tissues, a quick fix, I have seen as a life journey of mental health and spiritual crisis of unforgiveness for self or from Christian woman and men who aren’t reflecting the mercy and grace of Jesus.
Instead of coming alongside our sisters and brothers, post-abortive women/men may have regret, shame, grief. They may feel out of the circle of forgiveness, they may feel Jesus will never love them again and that no grace or mercy is possible. Post-abortive women may feel judgement, and shunning from other women who had not been in their shoes.
We are all sinners who need Jesus!!! It can be you, be the women in crisis, it can be members of the couples families who are on the sidelines with this heart wrenching decision. It is a hidden thorn. It may not be discussed.
Abortion choices remain in the shadows sometimes for decades. We must not judge. We must love. Loss is loss for all. Only in seeking Jesus, His forgiveness, grace, mercy and love can there be healing and hope. We can not take the steps to Jesus for another we can just pray for their walk.
How can we better reflect the love, mercy, and grace of Jesus to post-abortive women, men and their families?
We can love like Jesus. We can pray for their grief and loss when we are aware, and pray that they would return to their first love, Jesus. We can reach out and hug not avoid. Again, We do not walk in their shoes!!
We can come alongside them if they let us. We must put down condemnation. We are not to point fingers.
Consider the Samaritan women at the well, Jesus came to her to speak truth of His Living Water. He comes to the thirsty and the lost. The things of this world do not satisfy the empty spaces. Only Jesus can.
John 4 :1 - 26 Jesus knew the Pharisees had heard that he was baptizing and making more disciples than John 2 (though Jesus himself didn’t baptize them—his disciples did). 3 So he left Judea and returned to Galilee. 4 He had to go through Samaria on the way. 5 Eventually he came to the Samaritan village of Sychar, near the field that Jacob gave to his son Joseph. 6 Jacob’s well was there; and Jesus, tired from the long walk, sat wearily beside the well about noontime. 7 Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water, and Jesus said to her, “Please give me a drink.” 8 He was alone at the time because his disciples had gone into the village to buy some food. 9 The woman was surprised, for Jews refuse to have anything to do with Samaritans. She said to Jesus, “You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. Why are you asking me for a drink?” 10 Jesus replied, “If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water.” 11 “But sir, you don’t have a rope or a bucket,” she said, “and this well is very deep. Where would you get this living water? 12 And besides, do you think you’re greater than our ancestor Jacob, who gave us this well? How can you offer better water than he and his sons and his animals enjoyed?” 13 Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. 14 But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.” 15 “Please, sir,” the woman said, “give me this water! Then I’ll never be thirsty again, and I won’t have to come here to get water.” 16 “Go and get your husband,” Jesus told her. 17 “I don’t have a husband,” the woman replied. Jesus said, “You’re right! You don’t have a husband— 18 for you have had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now. You certainly spoke the truth!” 19 “Sir,” the woman said, “you must be a prophet. 20 So tell me, why is it that you Jews insist that Jerusalem is the only place of worship, while we Samaritans claim it is here at Mount Gerizim, where our ancestors worshiped?” 21 Jesus replied, “Believe me, dear woman, the time is coming when it will no longer matter whether you worship the Father on this mountain or in Jerusalem. 22 You Samaritans know very little about the one you worship, while we Jews know all about him, for salvation comes through the Jews. 23 But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for those who will worship him that way. 24 For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth.” 25 The woman said, “I know the Messiah is coming—the one who is called Christ. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.” 26 Then Jesus told her, “I am the Messiah!”
Samaritans and Jewish people did not communicate in those days. It was forbidden. But Jesus, the Messiah, showed a loving personal God who knew all His people and wanted a relationship with each one. He wants to know each of us personally.
Who knows that you might be led to intersect with a women or man who has post-abortive regret. They may need a friend to listen, to bring Jesus alive to their empty spaces. It could be you!! Be ready to love. Listen, speak truth in love or just be quiet, ask Jesus for the steps of grace, mercy and forgiveness that may not come naturally. If you are not feeling called to a friendship. Prayer is powerful. Maybe some other person will be called to minister more personally. We all need love and Jesus. James 5: 16 says the earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. By the way, we are not perfect only Jesus can cover the multitude of our sins.
Other ways we can help women / men in unplanned pregnancy:
Those who choose to parent should see your active faith as the hands and feet of Jesus. We can help single women in tangible ways, making the choice to parent is a life long journey, financially, emotionally, spiritually. We can be Titus women who support another woman with our time, our ability to help with goods needed, our listening ear, our parenting advice when asked, wherever the Lord sends us. These women need to feel love, our words of encouragement along with mentorship could bless the mom and generations to come. Single moms and dads are under a lot of stress they need help. When the Lord prompts we must seek to serve these parents.
Those who choose to place their child in adoption should be supported in their sacrifice. Placing a child in another home is hard but heartfelt knowing your child walks in this world and you may not be near is grief and loss. You can read more about this in my free E-Book, ” Healing through Sacrifice”, available on my blog site. It is written with insight from multiple birth-family wisdom. We can pray and support those who chose adoption. They felt the inner stirrings of life, they pondered their ability to parent. In many situations, they felt strongly to place their child’s future before their own. It took love, sacrifice, and a determination beyond what most of us can imagine.
I am amazed with our family through adoption and the strength of our birth-families. Our birth families are precious, they chose my husband and I to parent. I love them and words can’t express my humility at the journey of our families in open adoption.
God is intertwined to bind us together. Meet someone at the well near you, it could be a coffee shop :), step out of your comfort zone. Let Jesus draw more of His people to His thirst quenching power, love, grace and mercy. Let Him use your actions for His glory. God is love!